WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU? I DO.
The Path IP Freely walked to get to this point, and what is to come.
The Fool Folds His Hands and Eats His Own Flesh.
During the Summer of Hate, I was cooped up in my shoebox in NeoGommorah, recovering from the Manufactured Pestilence. My future as a propagandist was beginning to wane further from pipe dream to delusion, I was barely making money doing a job I hate, my neighborhood was sinking into crime and the criminals were coming to my place of work to continue tormenting me. I had no lovers, my friends and family were relegated to digital ghosts adrift in pixels and disembodied voices.
I had also dissolved most of my philosophical views at the time. Once an honest to god card carrying socialist (cringe) in college, the leftist utopia now revealed itself as an emperor with no clothes. Overnight, the majority of my peers became educated on social justice and marxism and progressivism, and all the ‘good’ ideologies, and began spouting dogma they didn’t even fully understand (same people who talk of ‘nuance’ will also develop ideologically through twitter threads, instagram infographics, and facebook rants- true signs of wisdom!). I had totally given up on politics, I had given up on religion, and was becoming a drunk. I not only took maybe 3 edibles a night but began downing massive amounts of booze (whole bottles of wine, 64 oz margaritas, etc). None of these were characteristic of what I even wanted, but what was the point? i had begun as well to proclaim a kind of black pilled nihilism that centered on the idea that all of history, memory, etc were merely by products of our narratively driven minds working too hard, and that there was nothing. I took comfort in there being nothing at all. It doesn’t sound too bad, but trust me, it’s like being stuck in a whirlpool and giving up on paddling out and ‘enjoying’ the ride to oblivion. I couldn’t talk these things through with anyone, because no one cared. (i don’t mean that as a self indulgent ‘woe is me’ way, but i just was unable to really articulate the spiritual mire I made a home of, because it is difficult for me to communicate my emotions). it was a time of gnashing teeth and woe.
I began, however, in exploring narrative theory also began to explore tech skepticism again. I had a sci-fi by way of hardboiled detective novel idea about a conspiracy minded young man who goes down the rabbit hole only to discover, to his horror, that the conspiracy he had though he was uncovering were planted by automatons and algorithms in order to give his life some purpose and to continue existing in the hyperconsumerist culture he lived in. While exploring this, I came back to a high school favorite book- ‘industrial society and it’s future’.
Now that i had grown older and experienced the world, the text took on a new, more horrifically prescient light. What had once seemed like a vague anarchist impulse was now a textured portrait of a society plunged into decreased individualism in favor for being delightfully subsumed into the Machine. What had once been a mocking “I don’t wanna be part of the System, man!” became a sobering realization that I was pricked by the system and slowly sucked dry. My soul/essence/individuality/etc was being tampered with, modified, commodified, and sold back to me.
And of course, i picked up other texts as well. Thanks to a friend, i discovered Chad Haag, who wrote seriously on these topics, along with other ‘forbidden thinkers’ that they don’t tell you about in school- Ellul, Linkola, Heidegger, Debord, etc. (yes some marxists like adorno etc as well from the frankfurt school, i am not against critical theory, nor even marxist analysis of material conditions until it is time for the solutions, which have proven time and again to be fanciful at best and plain stupid at worst) i found new life, because now I had purpose- to expose this corrupt Behemoth as the beast ‘slouching towards Bethlehem’.
And yet, in the fervor of information, the dreaded voice would pop into my head. So What? so what? what was the point in all the information, in uncovering the philosophical truths of the world, in shining the light into the darkness via conspiracy etc? I was, after all, a mere mortal, an insignificant ant in a sea of ants in a mountain of an anthill. What was the point?
the information overdose, which is a common byproduct of the technological age of internet use, will always lead to nihilistic conclusions. We see this in the social justice addled peers, who now have begun to splinter with one another ideologically and with themselves after the emotional honeymoon of rage and self righteousness has waned (not helped by the fact these ‘progressives’ have no plan or vision for the future other than vague promises of equality, even though there is no such thing as equality (more on that for a full essay)). We also see it with many neo reactionaries and right wing types, who seek a kind of traditionalism that simply cannot be brought back. The conspiracy minded, internet addicts at 4chan etc reveal too that too much information simply leads to rampant, unchecked shitzoposting that has lead to one of the most hair brained (if albeit interesting and novel) conspiracies surrounding a particular letter of the alphabet. and i was swept up, yet again, in the quest for truth.
i was missing ‘something.’ i had enough pieces to the puzzle, but the puzzle was without picture. there was no point. there was no conclusion. It simply was that the System was a mean ol’ monster that was being puppeteered by some of the most pathetic people in existence, and would do it’s best to placate the masses by plunging them further into Spectacle. The illusionary curtain constructed by the ‘elites’ with Techné (propaganda, hyperreality tools, technological ‘growth’, etc) were laid out plainly, what the curtain was shrouding (both material reality and biological human needs (ie need family, etc)) was clear, but there was no leap towards a transcendent whole that would be able to pull back the curtain of illusion and reveal the brilliant light of Truth. I was still at a distance.
I began to experiment with self sufficiency techniques such as gardening, and learning to construct a home, etc. I began conceptualizing a home in a plot of land away from the Social Madness of NeoGomorrah, where a human could be, where a man’s ontological construction wasn’t formed by the synthetic clay of modernity but would have a spiritual core as well. These helped, but were still without weight. what was missing??
Suffer the Little Children
My roommate, who was going through similar malaise due to the Summer of Hate, had taken to Christ as a path towards betterment. And I was curious as well. I
I had grown up mildly baptist, but a bad encounter with evangelical morons in college had tainted my experience with the Christian world. For theirs was a foundation ‘built on sand’- they believed the bible, scripture, and God to be this cut and dry moralism, and were so desperate to grow their church they had me go out with another member some nights, flag down people on campus, and try to get them to go to bible study, not to mention pressuring me constantly to go to their retreats, get baptized again, etc. It was weird, and still makes me uncomfortable to this day. I had developed such a foul taste for God that most of the creative writing assignments I had in college centered on individuals who despised themselves almost as much as they despised the god that made them, including one particularly grim story about a group of teens who were shooting up abortion doctors because they had failed to abort them. let freud examine that one man!
I had begun already to give new age shit a chance- I bought some books from a psychic bookshop and gave it the ol’ college try. One book, “The Crack in the Cosmic Egg’, proposed that faith in something was necessary in order to do the impossible (for example, walking on hot coals). Another, “Archaic Revival” by Terrence Mckenna, made shrooms seem as nectar from the interdimensional beings that constructed our illusionary reality (i’ll get into is stuff in another essay). these were all very interesting, including the other texts I read that didn’t quite make the cut, but were without the kind of weight I had hoped for. In addition, I simply couldn’t fall into their faith systems. I don’t have a real reason why other than that they just didn’t seem to have a kind of unity.
one book though stayed with me longest- The Gospel of Thomas. contained therein were the sayings of Christ, but they were not the clear cut ones of the Sermon on the Mount, nor the explained parables found throughout. the parables, sayings, and teachings were more like zen koans than simplified lessons.
I was also smitten with Dostoevsky’s masterpiece ‘The Brothers Karamazov”, which not only argued the folly of the secular progressive’s morality but also has one of the greatest analysis of Jesus being tempted by the Devil. i still reflect on The Grand Inquisitor even now many months later.
And from there, I came back to the scriptures, approaching them with the philosophy that this was my interpretation, that it was free from dogma, church, and fools. This wouldn’t be a Golden Retriever Christian view (ie a ‘normie christian’) but my own lens. granted, i wasn’t going to purposefully obfuscate the text to cohere with my own view points, rather i was going to sit down, crack open a book of the bible, and simply read and draw my own conclusions, and perhaps do some research on things such as history, context, etc.
And my missing piece had been found. there now was a reason to lift the veil of illusion and dissolve the various antichrists’ weapons of confusion and deceit. I have never felt more hopeful or alive than now, and it is precisely because of Christ’s philosophy, the Holy Ghost, and God’s promise to the Kingdom. And never have I felt that the ‘inventions of evil” have been revealed as not only dangerous but pathetic. Liberated from the strangling of the Spectacle, I now can walk with the Holy Ghost.
Forward Toward Agape
i do not claim to know everything about christianity, philosophy, theology, modernity, etc. I know nothing in fact. but what i hope to accomplish here in these articles, essays, ramblings, etc is a discussion that can move us away from the Illusionary (sin) and towards the Kingdom (Freedom). This is a space to synthesize the ‘forbidden thinkers’ whom the failed academic system have turned their nose to and the corrupt media dare not slip from their forked tongue. I am trying to build an Alt Church, one that is free from the church system that is unfortunately dying off as we speak (church attendance was already on the decline, and the Manufactured Pestilence saw to a brutal dagger blow against the church system).
yes, you may not be a christian, nor a philosopher, nor a tech skeptic, but you are my brother, my sister, my family. i love you, because i love the humanity therein, because if we do not choose to criticize the many antichrists (and believe me, there are many- I’ve even met some of them!) then will have no choice but to hand over our humanity to those who promise the kingdom but are nothing more than vipers. the soul, both the broad Human Soul and your soul specifically, same as mine, are in critical danger of being bought out, enslaved, and tortured with the silent weapons of a quiet war.
Don’t agree with what I may put forward? very well, but those with ears, let them hear. approach what I say, no matter how deranged or ‘alternative’ (boneheaded) and give it a chance, a fair honest chance. I welcome dissent, as long as it is not shrouded with the cloak of ‘intellect’. intellect, that is to say the strain of modern smugness that tries to be ‘right’ in order to score social credit is a childs game, and we should be looking to become wise like an elder rather than smart as a genius. We have celebrated for too long in this wicked world the individuals who contributed to the System and not on the shlubs like you and i who have been beaten down, cast aside, and stripped every damn day of our spirit.
I for one am done. I am done with the scams, the lies, the ‘promises’, and the evil instruments of technofreaks and propagandists. and if it comes down to it, I’ll martyr myself before I let them consume me. For Christ says, in Matthew 5:10- “Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” what is the point of living in this world if you cannot transgress against the rotten rooted weeds in order to transcend?